My dearest grandmother past away this weekend and I can’t be with her or my family because they live in a different country, but my mother was able to go days before it happened and it makes me feel good to know she was with her before this happened.
I wish I knew my grandmother much more then I did. I went to South America a few times, and I visited with her. She and my mother had a beautiful and sweet relationship and spoke daily.
When I went there was a bit of a language barrier because I can’t speak Spanish, though I can understand it. If I really try, and I have, I can muster up a few sentences.
I never got to know her all the way, but I heard many stories about her and the lives of all the 10 children she and my grandfather had and raised.
I have sweet memories of my grandmother and I can see her sitting out in the sun. She had long beautiful braided hair, porcelain skin, and beautiful light eyes, and she would sit in the sun early in the morning before breakfast.
My grandmother, like most grandmothers, was a sweet and hard working woman. Her husband, my dear grandfather died when he was young and she was left alone to care for all the children and they lived the best lives they could.
All of her children lived in different areas, some there, some near, some a little further, and some hundreds of miles away. This weekend they are all together once again, this time saying goodbye to the woman who gave them life, hope, and so much love. It is so hard to have to make this goodbye.
You never want to say this goodbye to your loved ones on Earth. You don’t want to have to let go of them, their smiles, their presence, their love, and their bodies.
When the time comes, whether you cremate them or bury them, you will have to say your final goodbyes. This is all a part of our rituals of death, this is how we begin the process of “moving on”. At this point, I know it’s really happening. I am never going to see this person again. I know it’s time for me to realize it’s true and I need to begin understanding that and living with that, and going back to some type of normal. A normal life without them, doesn’t seem so normal, but you have to try, even if its a lopsided normal, even if it’s a normal with a lot of tears and pain.
Her children have children, and those children have children, so her legacy in a way continues.
She might not be on earthly grounds, but her memory still lives here, and her spirit still goes on.
My heart is most broken for her children, like my sweet mother. I understand how much my mother will miss her mother and that breaks my heart so very much. I can’t completely understand it because I have not lost my mother, but just imagining the pain I will feel if and when I lose my mom, I can understand what she might be going through.
When you lose someone you love the pain is unbearable. It hurts physically, emotionally and mentally. You cry so hard that your head feels this uneasy pressure and pain, like it’s going to explode. Your throat hurts and you feel sick to your stomach. Just the thought of the person makes your burst into tears. You think about the person’s face and voice. You always try to remember the voice and you never want to forget the voice. Your mind has a remarkable away of playing the voice over and over again. You remember the last time you saw him/her, what they said and what you said to them.
Though they aren’t on Earth, it doesn’t mean they are not here. We keep them living. They will always be here with you, in your mind, your memories, and you. The person you lost made you you. Whether you knew them all your life, a short time, a fragment of a second. People come and go in our lives and unbeknownst to us can change us in small or big ways. So you carry them with you somewhere deep with in.
My grandmother is literally with me always for a few reasons. I am here on Earth because of her, if she didn’t give birth to my mom, I would not be here, but also going a level deeper, she is with me always because of the way she raised my mother, life lessons she taught her, mannerisms, ethics and morals, that are past down to mother and daughter, father to son, and so forth and because of that I am a part of her always connected by not just biology, but thoughts, maybe even the way I speak, or think.
And she is with me spiritually. For those of you who are spiritual, I know my grandmother’s spirit lives on, her energy is not on Earthly grounds, but on the grounds of another world.
Goodbye my sweet little grandmother. I know it must be hard for you to leave and it must be especially hard to see all your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren cry out for you to return, cry out how much they love, miss and need you still. But, don’t worry grandmother, they will be okay, they will find their ways, they will go back to a type of normal sadly without you. One day I assure you, you will see all of your children again. Until then, please go see your lost loved ones, and go see grandpa, and hug him for me and for you and for all of us. If you can, watch over us, and guide me when you can. I love you grandmother. I say my final goodbyes from this Earth, but I know we will see other one day when I leave this Earth one day too.
And if you can, send me a sign.
